When Friends Disagree

Acts 15:39 (NAS) – There arose such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another.

The first part of Acts 15 tells the story of a great reconciliation that threatened to divide the young Christian church. However, we cannot even finish reading that chapter before we come across the next disagreement, this time between two longtime colleagues and friends who had worked hard together on the same side to resolve the earlier dispute. Barnabas wanted to take John Mark on their next missionary journey, but Paul did not want to take him because he bailed early on the first trip. If God always revealed his specific will clearly to his faithful followers on every occasion, why did these two – who both took the title of Apostle (see Acts 14:14) – disagree so vehemently? Luke did not tell us which of them heard from God on the issue. Certainly, Paul had grounds to question the wisdom of taking John Mark on the trip again based on Mark’s earlier track record. However, Barnabas was one to invest in those others rejected.

So, who did hear from God? If we had been there at that moment, it sounds like either Paul or Barnabas would have been convinced the other missed God’s will and plan. That split had to hurt. I can imagine Barnabas thinking to himself, “After all I did for you, this is the way you will treat me? At first, I was the only one in Jerusalem willing to give you a chance. I walked all the way from Antioch to Tarsus to give you your start in ministry. I poured out my time and wisdom to help you started the right way. We have walked thousands of miles together, and you don’t trust my wisdom and ability to mentor John Mark, who is older and wiser now, knows what is involved in missionary work, and wants the second chance Jesus has given us? This hurts!”

Meanwhile, Paul might have thought, “I love you, Barnabas, but sometimes you are just too idealistic. So much is at risk when we take the Gospel to a new city. Remember Lystra? We almost died. Mark said some stupid things on that trip. If he says the wrong words, it could undermine the Gospel’s impact in that region. His griping was intolerable. I know you want to help your nephew, but this is not smart. It’s him or me!”

Luke never tells us which person was correct. However, painful it was in that moment, though, we do get to see three good outcomes:

1)    They covered twice as much ground – As two missions teams, they were able to visit two completely different areas. Paul and Silas eventually made it all the way to Europe while Barnabas and Mark worked throughout Cyprus.

2)    Barnabas’ mentoring of Mark made a difference – I would love to know what Barnabas did, but his mentoring of John Mark enabled him to become a faithful leader of the early church. He wrote the Gospel that bears his second name, likely the first Gospel written. Even Paul noted the change and took him on later journeys (Colossians 4:10). At the end of Paul’s life Mark was the one person besides Timothy Paul wanted with him. (II Timothy 4:11)

3)    Paul and Barnabas reconciled – We do not know exactly how or where the reconciliation happened, but Paul’s words about Barnabas in later letters show mutual respect and gratitude. (I Corinthians 9:6; Galatians 2:1, 9, and 13; Colossians 4:10)

I’d love to be able to tell you the right answer to every question will always be obvious to everyone involved, but that is not the case. Yet, the good news is that God can work anyway, sometimes with both sides of a rifted relationship. Just don’t let the bitterness remain. (Ephesians 4:32) Restore the relationship and agree to disagree.